I had a moment last week, where tears fell down my cheeks and I felt an overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed! I was sitting at my dining room table, attempting to write what should have been a simple five-page paper. I say should have been, because I love to write...but for some reason, there I was, on the verge of a total breakdown. I called a great friend, who helped me to untangle the ball of emotions that was me. She talked me down and reminded me, why I said that getting a doctorate was important to me, what my dream job would be after I received my degree. It didn’t happen right away, but slowly, I began to breathe again and allow the fear of failure to loose its deadly grip on my heart and mind.
Since that day, I have asked myself, over and over; ”Why do you let yourself get that way?” Because, of course, this wasn’t the first time! After some soul/spirit searching, I began to see clearly that I in fact, do let myself get that way. God began to reveal to me that it really wasn’t about the paper at all, it was that I was troubled and afraid, and that I felt like I had no peace! Life’s recent experiences (my sister’s death, one of my closest childhood friends was diagnosed with MS and had to have brain surgery, the stress of school/work/family...) had me SHOOK!
The scripture says in Isaiah 59:19b “When the enemy shall come in, like a flood the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.” So the Spirit flooded my mind and heart with two scriptures found in the 14th chapter of John, which the Holy Spirit had led me to listen to every morning during the whole month of January. This chapter is so rich, I could almost focus on every verse and tell you how it relates to me “letting myself get in the way”. However, I’ll let you read the chapter yourself and instead focus on the two verses I believe God is using to teach me my current lesson...they are the 1st and 27th verses and they include these words...” "Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me” (v. 1) and “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (v. 27).
This is Jesus talking...to His disciples...which I am now one of. In both of these verses, Jesus is pleading with me to “Don’t let my heart be troubled or afraid!” This totally implies that I have control over my heart being troubled or not! And being able to control my heart from being troubled and afraid ONLY comes when I let go, and TRUST my Savior and God! Jesus says that He gave me peace, which means it is in my possession, like my car or my house or the clothes on my back! They are mine, just as His peace is mine! And just like I would never ever purposely let the repo man take my car, or the bank foreclose on my house, or Macy’s come and take my clothes back, I am refusing to let the enemy “steal, kill or destroy” my peace!
I thank God for His grace and mercy towards me and for sending the Holy Spirit, to “teach you all
things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26). Will I encounter another situation or circumstance that seeks to overwhelm me and fill me with doubt and fear...yes! Will I encounter people who will do everything they can to discourage the plan and purpose of God being fulfilled in my life...yes! Will I let that stop me...ABSOLUTELY NOT! Why...Because I HAVE the peace of God in my heart and I will NOT be troubled or afraid!