Love for a Lifetime Discussion Day 6
There are lots of wonderful resources to help us in our love relationships. Please read this article written by Jimmy Evans of Marriage Today, which talks about the four needs of a woman. Don’t worry gentlemen; we’ll talk about your needs tomorrow! The article is written for couples who are married, if you are not married, please read this in the context of preparing yourself for marriage or helping others to understand your God given needs. You may agree or not agree with everything in the article, but I believe it will prompt your thinking.
The Four Needs of a Woman
One of the most challenging verses in the Bible is Ephesians 5:25, which says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." God's standard for men is that you give your life for her.
You love your wife more than you love yourself. You sacrifice for her. You strive to meet her needs. What are those needs?
A woman's greatest need is security. She needs to know she is safe and provided for, and instinctively knows this occurs through a sacrificial husband.
She needs to know that you will sacrifice your interest, a hobby, a friend, an event, an opportunity, a promotion if necessary to make sure her needs are met. Nothing is more important than her.
A wife who has to resort to nagging or begging has a husband who is not sensitive to her needs. A wife who lacks romance in her marriage has a husband who is not sensitive to her needs. She shouldn't have to ask.
A woman's number-two need is soft, non-sexual affection. Guys, she wants to be held without being pinched, tickled, or groped. Why? Because it communicates to her that she's more to you than a sex object, and that you are connected on a higher level than just sex.
I grew up with two older brothers and pretty much lived in a war zone. I didn't know how to be affectionate. Early in our marriage, when I hugged Karen, it probably looked and felt more like a headlock.
We struggled until the day I became aware how I was failing in this area. Deliberately, I tried to be gentle. I held her hand without pinching. I put my arm around her without letting it…wander. She said, "I like that."
That's when everything began to improve. Men, if you are not affectionate toward your wife, saying "that's just the way I am" is no excuse. You need to change.
A woman's third need is open and honest communication. When your wife asks "How was your day?" she wants more than grunts and groans. She wants to connect with you. She wants access to your heart.
A healthy marriage requires both the husband and wife to talk to each other—to really talk, even if that feels awkward to you. Men, she doesn't just need you to share your feelings, she deserves that from you. I often say that, in a good marriage, a wife must be more sexual than she feels and a husband must be more conversational than he feels.
The final need of a woman is leadership. Women don't want to be dominated—they deserve to be treated as an equal partner—but they do want their husband to be the loving initiator of the home in terms of the children, romance, finances, and spiritual matters.
That doesn't mean the husband makes decisions without her, but it does mean that he initiates the process. Women don't respond to passive husbands.
Security. Affection. Communication. Leadership. When a husband sacrifices for his wife and meets these needs, he goes a long way toward loving her like Jesus loved the Church. In the process, he'll do his part to build an amazing marriage
Research – Ephesians 5
Relate – Are the needs outlined in this article true needs of mine? If not, what are they?
Respond – Communicate with your spouse or loved one what your needs are or journal your thoughts on how the needs of security, affection, communication and leadership are being met in your life.
Reflect – What is your primary need and how are you expressing that need to others?
Discussion Question – What are your thoughts about the contents of this article? Are these the four needs of women? If not, what are the needs of women? And how can we effectively communicate those needs to others?